Monday, September 17, 2007

No Mistake

Okay so all of Ella's first birthday celebrations are over, and I thought I made it through pretty good. I was kind of afraid that I would dwell over how much my life had changed in one year and be sad about it. I did occasionally stop and think, "oh this is the day I found out for sure...." "this is the day I had to go be put on medication so I could sleep and not harm myself," etc... but really I did good, I didn't cry and I did keep thinking about how much my life changed but all for the better, and how incomplete my life would be without Ella and Down syndrome.
So, anyhow the party was on Saturday and that night I went to bed with a big sigh of relief, the first year is officially over, Ella is healthy and happy, Hunter has adjusted so well and is just an amazing kid, mine and Chris' marriage survived the trauma and is stronger than ever, we are less than 8 months from getting out of the Air Force and settling down and living be family. Pretty awesome.
Sunday we went to church and as usual we sat next to our friends Jen and Brian and we flipped to the page the Pastor told us to in our hyminal and began to sing. I was singing, but perhaps not paying attention like I should to the words (because Chris was holding Ella who was squirming all around and being noisy,) and my friend Jen leans over to me and says "we sang this song the Sunday after Ella was born, I'll never forget that."

So I look down and the next line says, God makes no mistakes, and I began to cry and of course can not stop. Chris sees me crying and hands me Ella which of course makes me cry harder. I don't know why it effected me so, I know that Ella is no mistake, she was definetly sent here to change me and everyone that she comes in to contact with. But I had to think back to last year and how incredibly devistated I was, and I just knew that God had made a huge mistake because I was not good enough to raise Ella. Oh how a year has changed me. Ella is the biggest gift, a true blessing.

Thought I would share a few of my favorite old pics. This last one is my hubby favorite, it looks like Ella is beating up on her big brother!!


RK said...

Great pictures, especially that last one. :o)

I'm kind of bracing myself for that time of remembrance that will be a bit hard for me here in a couple months, but I'm hoping to dwell on how far we've come and not just how hard it was in the beginning.

Jennifer said...

Love you!