Thursday, October 2, 2008

What to say???

Get It Down; 31 for 21

Last week my friend Jennifer emailed me and asked for advice. A lady from our old church was in labor and was really scared that her baby may have Down syndrome. This lady, who is so very sweet and loved on Ella every time she saw here, had been trying for a long time to get pregnant again and would be classified as being of "advanced maternal age." Anyhow, Jennifer asked that if the baby was born with Down syndrome what should she say to the mom? She said she screwed it up with me (which she did not,) and didn't want to screw it up with this lady. So, wow. What a question. I really had to stop and think.

Is there really a right thing to say? I can give you a huge list of inappropriate things to say, most have been said to me..... BUT the right thing? Hmmm.

I think the thing that would have helped me most in my moments of devastation would have been to meet another mother of a child with Down syndrome, and to meet the child. I think I told Jennifer something to the effect of, assure her that her child will do everything all children do, just in their own time. I'm not sure though that I would have been receptive of that, so I still don't really know. Perhaps the best thing to do is just be a non-judgemental ear. Try to not make light of the situation but also to not pity the mother. I can't tell you how many times people have responded to the news of Ella having Down syndrome by saying "I'm sorry." Well, I'm not.

It's a touchy subject.

The baby in question was born nice and healthy and does not have Down syndrome.


Here are a few pics of Ella yesterday, she of course has on her Princesses Can Have Down Syndrome Too!! shirt, to welcome Down syndrome awareness month
















Trying to copy Hunter who is
making a "funny face" at her.






































Hunter took this picture all by himself! Ella LOVES Tigger!!!

14 comments:

lisavengesta said...

thank you for sharing this. ella is just an absolute doll!! :) and your blog is very inspiring! :)

Cleo said...

GREAT advice Kacey!!!. Ella Grace is a precious gift ~ . Love all the pictures. :)

rylie's mom said...

I agree meeting another mother and child would have been helpful to me also.

Ella Grace looks adorable in her princess T-shirt.

Rachel said...

Such a cute little princess!

Cammie Heflin said...

Addy has that shirt too, well a onesie anyway! Ella is so precious! She's just about the same age as Addysen too, she will be two on the 18th.

Jennifer said...

She is getting so big. I just can't believe it! Thanks for everything! You're amazing!

Michelle said...

And I love Ella & her cute ponytails!

Good advice.

Jill said...

Thanks for the response, we are looking at being finished with our paperwork late Dec. and so we don't know if the "ones that be" are working at having the child with us for the holidays or if they would just wait for the new year...we are at their mercy. So we wait and pray. We have decided to treat it like a pregnacy and just to prepare...hearts and home as best you can, but somedays I just get all giddy inside knowing our lives are gonna change. My youngest just asked me about the new bed...their perspective is so great.

Shawndi84 said...

I totally agree with everything you said! When you tell people your baby has down syndrome and they respond positively, it really helps you KNOW things are going to be okay... the last thing you want is pity! That's a hard question... very nicely put!

Becca said...

That was a wonderful post, and very fitting on this 2nd day of Down Syndrome Awareness Month. Very good advice. Love Ella's t-shirt!

K&K said...

that shirt is SO cute! Where did you find it? so cute!

Aunt Tami said...

I just love the pic that Hunter took. Maybe he is a budding photographer, he has the best muse in Ella! We love you all so much and miss you lots too!--Aunt Tami and family

My name is Sarah said...

I like your tigger. You look so cute today.

orange1986 said...

Oh my goodness Ella is too cute for words!